Change. I'm fighting it. What I have to do, and what I want to do are two very seperate actions. What I'm waiting for is what's holding me back. I have so much momentum, and I sit here like a salmon in the river fighting the strong never ending current. It's almost fall, and if I don't stop fighting I too will end up stuck in a pool with no escape. I know this. I did this for a year and a half, and I swore to myself I would be strong, that I would fight the battle I refused to before. I would not waiver, I would not stop. The one difference between then and now is that I have kept and followed through with my own plans, I have stayed on my own path. This weekend I ran a half marathon. I run another race in two weeks. I run for many reasons. The main reason: I like the pain. It reminds me that Im alive. It drowns out any mental pain I have as well, and lets me things out to completion... Maybe I'm "running" from dealing with the truth I know I must confront soon. I sell my weeks for days of happiness. The cost is too high sadly. "I know you, you knowThat I ain't me soUs remains impossible". I will always miss you. BUT I wont miss this feeling.